Don't Tell My Child You want to Take Her Home
This is a rant. We will call it a public service announcement. This is not really about 31:20, but it is on behalf off every adoptive mom out there. Read this and you might understand her life a little more....
Please, PLEASE do not say to my adopted child “Sugar/Honey/Precious/Sweety, I just want to take you home!” Do you know what that does to an adoptive child? Because if you did, you wouldn’t ever say that. I know you did not mean it to be harmful, you were just talking. The thing is, my child doesn’t know that. They came home with big eyes and a huge grin (that they never have for me) and said “Mrs. So-in-so wants to take me home.” Now, if someone said that to your biological child, he or she would know it's a joke. Or, if they did think the person was serious, your bio children would run away screaming because someone was trying to take them home. But my adopted child doesn't understand. He/she has been moved so many times from home-to-home-to-orphanage (And, yes! They still have orphanages in the US, we just call them "group homes" now so it's less offensive and scary) they do think it's actually a real option for you to take them home.
Yes, they are so loosely attached, that they would love to go home with you! You're the person they see one hour a week, who never makes them do anything hard, like getting dressed, practicing reading, eating a healthy meal, let alone chores! And you're not the one struggling to teach them new things, like not lying, stealing, hitting, spitting, or taking other people's food. They really truly would love to go home with you, because they don’t understand you are a good parent also and would make them do the same horrible things I do, like not letting them eat Cheetos for breakfast and making them wipe EVERY time they use the bathroom. Yes, I am confident, you would have some of the same rules in your house, but they don’t know that. They know you from one hour a week where you are fun: you play games and praise them, do NO work, eat snacks, give rewards. That is who they think you are all the time. They don’t know this is your job, the role you play one hour a week.
I know they are cute, winsome, and funny, when they are with you. They used to be that way with me, before they realized I wasn’t going anywhere, before they felt my love and subconsciously became scared I would abandon them the way every other person in their life has. So I know why you think they are cute and say that to them. You can’t believe there are kids like this that can be adopted. The thought of adoption might even cross your mind for a split second. If it does, PLEASE come talk to me. Tell me how much you like my child. Tell me how you want to adopt or thought about adoption or wished your husband wanted to adopt. Tell me how you didn’t know there were kids out there like mine. You can even say awkward things to me like, "You're good at finding kids! I’ll take this one and you can get another! How much did they cost?"
I really don't mind if you say these things to me......
But, please! Don’t tell my child you want to take them home.